It’s 17:08h and i leave at 18… The last days were so full i left at 20:30h at least but today everything is done and i’m set to go home. Looking at the clock in the wall makes me remember how time can be stretchy even on Einstein’s point of view. The second’s hand is taking at least a minute to move. Somedays have only twenty minutes and others have two hundred hours. Years pass in a couple minutes and some important moments can take forever to finally happen. It’s so interesting how do we relate to time and yet our clock does not know anything about it. It a really dumb machine! All the days have the same amount of seconds as if in reality it was just like that. I guess that “relativeness” of our time (not the Einstein one, mine one LOL) is of major importance to our human existence. It makes us feel immortals. Ten or forty years old and feel almost equally distant from death. I makes us feel fresh. Ten or forty years alo and we feel like we still have a lot to live and a lot to learn. Sometimes on monday we wake up with thirty and just after a short phone call we may feel sixty. It’s all so relative. My father is seventy and i’m forty but he is surely younger than me. If one day he leaves me i’ll grow easily thirty years on that same day. And the clock doesn’t know anything about this.
The clock
I don’t know if any of you ever started paying close attention to your breathing. People that meditates usually pays a little bit. People with nasal problems also. The fact is: For some people is impossible to pay attention on your own breathing without thinking about life. That’s mainly because if you stop you die. I’m not sure what is the relation between this and Panic Sindrome but when someone is about to have Panic attacks they feel shorten on breath. Always. Panic attacks are chemically related and treated with drugs as Xanax and Prozac. So is Panic really fear? Some kind of psicosomatic manifestation of it ? Some people have the need to be around air conditioners or fresh air. As low blood pressure people uses to faint when the air is heavy and latins use to look for sex, people with Panic Sindrome fears. It’s not conscient fear but it’s present enough to shorten your breath and make your blood pressure go really high. But what does it mean? What is there to be afraid of? To die? If so didn’t we realized yet we will die eventually? That’s twisted and very annoying because “mind over matter” is not rocket science. Mostly it works miracles but sometimes not. I wonder if my mind has some clue about the function of my lungs. Maybe the mind worries because it know that if breathing stop then everything stops. To make this even more precise there are two very common symptoms in Panic Attacks. Shorten of breath and chest pain. To me it looks like the brain knows these are the two things our body can’t live without. Lungs and heart. That said i can only conclude that being afraid of death is not something only happening in our mind. Every part of our body wants to live. So why just not live? Why bother? We are so worried in planning the future and controlling the routes that leads to our future that we take less care about the present. But life happens in the present. The future is not life. It’s just possibilities. The past is not life either. It’s gone. The only thing we have is the actual present and this one gotta be the main concern. Not tomorrow, not next week, not net year. I know it’s hard. We are planners. We need to program everything in our lives to feel we control it. But to live in the future is not to live since life is only a thing that happens in the present. So inhale, exhale, keep doing it and don’t stop but take you mind of it cause your body already is worrying about it. Use your mind to live the moment…
The eternal solitude of the restless Mind 