Archives for posts with tag: panic

I don’t know if any of you ever started paying close attention to your breathing. People that meditates usually pays a little bit. People with nasal problems also. The fact is: For some people is impossible to pay attention on your own breathing without thinking about life. That’s mainly because if you stop you die. I’m not sure what is the relation between this and Panic Sindrome but when someone is about to have Panic attacks they feel shorten on breath. Always. Panic attacks are chemically related and treated with drugs as Xanax and Prozac. So is Panic really fear? Some kind of psicosomatic manifestation of it ? Some people  have the need to be around air conditioners or fresh air. As low blood pressure people uses to faint when the air is heavy and latins use to look for sex, people with Panic Sindrome fears. It’s not conscient fear but it’s present enough to shorten your breath and make your blood pressure go really high. But what does it mean? What is there to be afraid of? To die? If so didn’t we realized yet we will die eventually? That’s twisted and very annoying because “mind over matter” is not rocket science. Mostly it works miracles but sometimes not. I wonder if my mind has some clue about the function of my lungs. Maybe the mind worries because it know that if breathing stop then everything stops. To make this even more precise there are two very common symptoms in Panic Attacks. Shorten of breath and chest pain. To me it looks like the brain knows these are the two things our body can’t live without. Lungs and heart. That said i can only conclude that being afraid of death is not something only happening in our mind. Every part of our body wants to live. So why just not live? Why bother? We are so worried in planning the future and controlling the routes that leads to our future that we take less care about the present. But life happens in the present. The future is not life. It’s just possibilities. The past is not life either. It’s gone. The only thing we have is the actual present and this one gotta be the main concern. Not tomorrow, not next week, not net year. I know it’s hard. We are planners. We need to program everything in our lives to feel we control it. But to live in the future is not to live since life is only a thing that happens in the present. So inhale, exhale, keep doing it and don’t stop but take you mind of it cause your body already the subject worrying about it. Use your mind to live the moment…

(re post from 20.12.2010)

Why the same things that make our lives great are the ones that can make it miserable? Family, love, kids, music, poetry, alcohol, drugs, job, money, therapy, power, chocolate, burgers and many others. Sometimes we look our selves in the mirror and we like what we see but in just a moment it can all turn around and we can realize it’s all wrong. The nurturing of our minds is a matter of survival. It may sound stupid but they can turn against us and ruin everything. The great daddy can become a boring old looser, love can be questioned, your children can turn against you, poetry can sound depressing and so on. You can be positive or negative about almost anything and any subject. A friend of mine told me today the first moment she had a panic attack in her life. She was at her house just wondering about stuff when she decided to look herself at the mirror. She realized she was older but she did look great. Everything in place and still hot. Her eyes were really beautifully colored like an emerald. Somewhere in her mind she realized her mind was trapped in the back of her eyes. She could not see but through her own eyes. That’s all she needed at that moment. It took six years of Lexapro and Xanax to put her back on track. So i think that at the same time you need many things to make you feel good you need only your mind. It’s like we focus our happiness on stuff just as we believe a rabbit’s foot can give us luck. The reality though is that we don’t need anything because we produce our passions inside our guts and there’s nothing that can persuade us agains’t it if we decide it so. So is true that the best things in life are for free. You can have all the stuff that you want and be miserable about it or maybe lucky and happy about it. You can be a godess and feel horrible or great. You can have nothing and feel free or stuck. Those are tricks from our minds to remember us the really important things. To show us if the decisions are right or wrong. To define us. And there’s no material possession that can fill this hole. You can keep buying and receiving and wining and gaining but you will not find your answer there. Your answer is inside you. It is you.

When i had panic syndrome in learned how does it feel to be dying. Or at least i felt it close enough to start thinking about the way i spent my life. I did a lot of rights and wrongs and to my surprise none of them did bother me then. The only thing that really bothered me enough to feel sorrow for dying without changing it was the time i spent doing things that are not important. To explain it better i’m not talking about everyone’s point of view of importance. I’m talking about my point of view wich it opposite to others. All my life i did a lot of stuff according to other people’s expectations. I think it starts inside the families. Your parents visualise a “good” standard for you and you have to follow that. In school you have evaluations about how you perform. Your social life shows you need to follow certain standards to be successful and it professional life is the same. Even in your love life you will always have to keep up with expectations other people created about your self. The problem with this is how seriously to treat this subject. I was the kind of person who would not argue afraid to displease someone. As many i would do things other people consider important and i don’t. Sometimes i would even convince my self i did but i didn’t. So it’s a serious questioning you should apply to yourself. How much do i do for other sake and how much do i do for my self? Sometimes you will realize you spend most of your time doing stuff you don’t care about. I’m not talking about being selfish. On the contrary. You should help people in need. I’m talking about life wasting. About the time you spend trying to look like the girl in the magazine because that’s your mom’s standard. About how heavy you are on drugs or alcool because your friends think it’s cool. The time you spend crying because you are not thin enough and the diet and pills you took your hole life. The job you hate but it fits a certain standard your wife feels you should have. Those things have to be well balanced. Of course you can be generous if you have something in return otherwise no relationship would ever stand. And of course you can be generous if you feel like it. The problem happens when you start making concessions without even noticing. When you don’t realize those are your parent’s dreams. Those are your’s friends desires. Those are your wife’s expectations. Not yours. That’s what i learned when i felt i could die the next day. Time is all we have in this life. If you let anyone steal this time from you this will make you sorrow afterwords. So live your life the way you want. It’s the only one you got!