Archives for posts with tag: sleep

This is my cat and his name is Mush. I Don’t think i can define better the idea of Carefree. Mush is it!!! DSC00215

I have a friend that used to say she would never have a kid. “Nothing as irritating as a kid screaming by your side on the airplane” she used to say. I tried to understand how someone choose to not have a kid. I really think it’s natural to want to have children. The spark in the eyes of a new father is undescrideable. After having babies new parents can stay months with no sleep and still be happy about it. They always say: “You will only understand when you have one”. Well… i’m planning on having one next year so i’m paying more attention than ever on parents of babies. I’m starting to learn that i hate mothers that go out to run with their babies on carriers. I’m learning that i hate mothers that go dining after eleven at night bringing babies with them. I’m learning that it’s not the babies falt that the scream. Well that i already knew. It’s the parents falt. Why bring a baby with six months to an international flight? Why bringing a baby to Disneyland? It’s too early for the baby to enjoy. The parents are just using the babies as excuse. So if i’m having a baby i gotta understand something my parents and most parents from the seventies never understood. You have to give up a lot. You can’t just have a baby and continue travelling and going out and working and being away all the time. Leaving the kids with the nanny is not an everyday thing. You gotta have time for your kids. But then i really get scared because i don’t have a clue if i’m good as a parent. I don’t know even if i can hold a baby. Anyway i’ll do it and i’m only sure of one thing: I’ll love him and i’ll rase him and i’ll prepare him to the world and eventually he will leave me. But that’s life!

Do you guys ever felt a little afraid of going to sleep?? I think i do but not in a racional sense. Deep in my mind. These days i’m sleeping pretty well but that’s because of Xanax and some meditation just before bed. I really sleep well now but during most of my life i didn’t. I really didn’t. I’m talking about almost 40 years of going to sleep at four in the morning. I always felt great about it firstly because i love to live at night. Alone with not phone and emails or other kinds of distraction it’s the time of the day that i can produce better especially when creativity is needed. Secondly because i’m always feeling like i’m loosing something that is happening and i can sleep al lot after i pass away. But sometimes in notice just a tiny note behind all this ideas that says i don’t want to go to sleep and i’m afraid of it. Like if i fall in sleep i may not wake up again. I know it’s a kinda crazy idea because i already slept and woken up thousands of times in my entire life and i never died but still there’s something weird there. Maybe is chemical and maybe it’s psychological i really don’t know. What i know is we don’t control our dreams and we don’t remember many of them. Maybe there’s something about them. Maybe we have real problems in being alone and we can only dream alone. I’m not sure why but something took off my sleep since i was i little child. My father used to find me at three in the morning sitting on the top of the wall in the house we used to live. I was just looking at the few cars that would pass by. I was just trying not to sleep.