Archives for posts with tag: mother

It still amazes me how do we interact with other humans. How we have the same reactions we had when we
where children. Couples are one of the most interesting of these relations. I always had girls as friends. Some guys never believed my friendship with girls could be real and for them i was always looking for them with second intention. I guess my only second intention as a 20’s guy was the fact that they were invited to every great party and they helped me getting in many of those. I will not lie that i felt attracted to a couple of them because i had some really pretty girls as friends but i prefered to keep the friendship. i’m a curious person by nature and i always enjoyed to listen to their side of the story. I have to say they were really helpful and i was an educated guy when women was the subject. That didn’t help me getting into a couple messes though. So by this i can say i heard plenty from both sides and in my point of view nobody is a victim. I heard for a long time girls complaining that there were no single men anymore and a listened to that statement while messages would arrive in their phones asking them to go out in dates at fancy restaurants. They would say these guys were looking only for sex but i would listen to them complaining next week that the guy wouldn’t stop calling and that he was worst than gum to get rid of. The fact is that those girls were looking for a mister nice (nice reads good looking in this case) guy so they could have a lot of fun with them and get dumped (dumped means free in this case) on the next morning. So when the guy started to call like crazy because he could really get interested these girls would freak out. I’m talking about the beginning of the 90’s. Seams to me that things are a little more honest these days. Some girls just tell what they are looking for and guys do the same. Now let’s not forget about us guys so let’s imagine we were that nice looking guy that went out with my friend. In this case we as men were privileged by society and the only part we would have to play in that dinner would be the nice guy. We would lie about our intentions but that’s not actually lying, it’s being romantic. You see the feminin touch. Romance. That’s the perfect hint and excuse the feminin minds gave guys to split after sex. The problem with that is guys don’t act with a plan just like women do so you girls just teach us that we will spend our hole lives leaving next morning. Thanks god and mothers probably but guys can’t live alone for long and i bet you girls know it. So no matter how used a guy is to do the next morning routine he will always be ready to be summoned when he is needed. It would be even easier if we guys were not so afraid of changes. That’s the reason we sometimes take a while to engage. In the end what i learned is that everyone can get involved when they feel like it. The problem with always choosing the “wrong” person is that it is always the perfect choice at the moment. We are looking for a wrong person because we don’t want to go further. Because we want that excuse in the next morning. The only unlucky in this “perfect” system are those who don’t understand these facts and are not clever enough to walk away next morning.
PS: Don’t for a moment think i don’t believe in love but that’s not the subject here.

I know idealists may offer a different version but in my experience i never witnessed something called unconditional love even in the most truthful kinds of relationships. There’s also no such a thing as unconditional friendship. There are real friends you keep for life but even then you gotta be honest with yourself and accept the fact you have that friendship for a reason. Even if it’s just the fact of having an old friend but still there is a reason. People share interests and when the stop sharing these interests generally they split. The usual excuse is the kind of life we live today:  Always busy and full of events. The real explanation is that there’s no room for that friendship anymore. Not that these same people stopped caring for each other. It’s just that their path united them once and separated them afterwords. I believe it’s healthy to think this way because once that’s clear you can deal with your relations in a much more open way not expecting more than it’s your place to expect and not offering more than you have to offer. It sounds kind of obvious but that’s not how many people relate. There’s always unnecessary frustration and deception. Many believe there’s this unconditional thing but they forget why they started their relations at first place. I can assure they had their reasons. From common and logical thinks as a to have a working buddy to a subtle thing as the excuse you need to be at a certain spot in a party there’s always a starting point for it to begin and other for it to engage and continue. Even your mom wants to leave a shadow of her life through your birth and the birth of your kids. That’s not a bad thing at all. that’s how we exchange in our relations. The only very important things are: To expect no more than you should from other people and not offer no more than you have to give!

This Holidays we are spending with my mother in law and we decided it would be about her. No fancy dinners and no big parties. Just us celebrating family. It’s five in the afternoon and soon will be Christmas eve. This uneventful holiday gives a lot of space for the mind to wonder. There are two old men playing sax and Clarinet in the corner just below my apartment. The street is really empty and they are playing for us and for the very few fast paced people running to get things ready for the eve. They are playing “I’m in heaven” now. I can’t help but remember when Christmas was huge. When i was young and it represented a big family meeting with many gifts, toys and food. That was pure joy. Now i realize that Christmas only exists when grandparents are alive. After that, families usually get apart. Inheritance issues, all sort of rivalries and lack of union is what i see around this Holiday. The only safe people are the dead ones. Those we can remember from the good times. The rest mostly doesn’t deserve the honor. Thanks god i’m very close to my parents, my syster and her beautiful family. They are my family together with my wife and my mother in law. Soon kids will come and there will be Christmas again. I just hope my family in this generation stands differently then others. I hope the new families that were born from our own doesn’t brake us apart. I hope to have a different kind of family where Christmas is a big family reunion with no regrets no matter what. We sometimes forget this holiday is about the birth of Jesus and as i recall this wish of mine have a lot to do with his ideas about us all being a big family. So in one hand i lost my big family reunion but in other i gained the hole Mankind and my brothers and sisters. Shame i didn’t realize that back in the old days but i hope soon my big fat merry family Christmas will come. For me the spirit of Christmas means hope. Hope for Goodness. Hope for Joy and family. The other hopes as money and miracle diets are reserved for New year’s eve. A guy just screamed from his window saying “enough with the music”! I hope those two old forks don’t get tired of playing. They may not realize but some are listening. Some still Hope. I hope for a Merry Christmas to you all!