Archives for posts with tag: marriage

Passion is almost oposite to the love of old couples. Passion is very strong but it fades soon. Love is much more mild but it can last forever. The sex in Marriage has much more to do with passion in the beginning but after that something must replace passion. Most say there’s no marriage without sex but how do they do after decades together? I’m with my wife for five years now. As the relation is still kinda new it didn’t happen yet but surely someday passion will fade away and from what i read in magazines everybody is still having sex after passion fades. Is it a lie? What do they do to not become more like brothers and sisters to their  wives and husbands? Or do they become brothers and sisters and eventually sex is not an option anymore? If this is the case why does everybody lies about this? Are we obligated to have sex to be happy and functional and accepted? How long does sexual interest remains in a relationship? What i can say for my five years is that sex is not the most important thing anymore. The person i’m with is much more than that. Only to be able to participate in her life would be enough. I can’t think of myself anymore without her. So what’s the role of sex in this relation? What is the trick?

I was reading an interview with an important psychologist specialized in sex and it’s really amazing how often people lie about it. The researches are even funny when they mention numbers like these: The average couple usually have sex twice a week. The average guy that is married have sex three times a week and the average married woman usually have sex once a week. I’m not very good in math but there’s something really weird with these numbers. It gets worst with the singles. In a group of three thousand men and three thousand women the researches discovered that men have a different partner every week and women have a different partner every two months. If you consider that the number of people from each gender is not that different something is very wrong! So if the world is so “modern” these days why do people still lie about their performance in sex? Guys saying they do it more than they really do or girls saying that the do it less than they really do? Probably both. With single people that sounds bad but in married people that sound even worst! Why do married people lie about their performance? Sex life fades away but nobody want to talk about it? Does less sex means less happiness in the marriage? I have a fairly new wedding and if someone asks me i have no problem to talk about it but maybe that doesn’t last forever. Even so i really don’t think sex is the most important thing of it anyway. The commitment is. The plans are. The bonds are. Learning about this research made me realize sex is overrated. At least for me and if anyone have a different opinion please tell me because i would love to hear it. Either i’m right in the way i think or math doesn’t apply to sex and all researches are wrong.

They say marriage is out of fashion and that divorces are the big thing now a days. Of course a lot of things have changed and the reasons to get married are much more specific. People today don’t get together because society would preach or because family would obligate. People don’t get married to make fusions of fortunes. People just get married to be together as long as it lasts. Even the period is not that relevant to society anymore since even the church accepts divorce. So we are talking about these people that besides all this decided to be together. That makes marriages less and less common but it should make also marriages more and more durable because it’s only for those who truly wants it. Strangely enough they are getting shorter. I just wonder why. Something we see in common in couples is a plan. It’s always about a shared plan to have a family and have kids and also about having someone to rely on. Someone to look after. Someone to better our selves to. I’m not talking about romantic love here. I’m talking about complicity and old people’s love. So what happens? After a lot of water under the bridge people change and vows loose it’s meaning sometimes? I believe people like my parents that are married for almost fifty years are more rare these days and i’m sure if they got married today it would not last another fifty. They love each other but they are not married still for this reason. They are married because they don’t believe in divorce so they learned to be happy together even so they would do it differently if it was a choice. So is all this choice beneficial? I think so. So if it’s beneficial does it mean it’s better been divorced than married just for convenience? Sure! So if there’s nothing holding you back why wait? Why try hard? Why invest more time? Maybe because we need to reset our faith. Maybe because what once meant so much should still mean something right now. Maybe because it’s so easy for us to get dissatisfied. Maybe because relationships are as good as our will to make it work. Maybe because this need to have always more and more and happiness unmeasured forever and ever and ever again is a really demanding lie and if we have calmness enough we’ll realize the choices we made are the choices that made us so nobody suits us better than the ones we already elected to walk besides us.