Archives for posts with tag: friendship

Friends are really important!!! They are the family we chose…so it’s another amazing challenge…this shot i took in NY subway and it really makes me think about sharing and friendship…

 

I have just a couple childhood friends that grew up with me and i still see in regular basis but even so i believe friendship is one of the most precious things humans have developed. Maybe because friendship is about common interests sometimes seams there are no interests involved. That makes friendship sounds like the most honest relation of all. You can say about your flaws with a friend and you can accept one for what one really is. You can rely in a true friendship when things go south in your life. Of course you won’t ask much but your friend will be there for you. With all this commitment it will sound a little strange but i believe what makes friendships so honest and truthful is the non commitment. That person will be always there for you “if possible in the occasion” and you can tell her anything “that doesn’t upset that person”. I’m not saying friendships are superficial but i believe there are certain “rules of engagement”. A very important rule that could be followed by any other kind of relation is  the respect for privacy. You don’t cross certain limits with your friends. You don’t point their flaws even to help them is it’s possible opposite to family relation for an example where people enjoy talking about you problems and deciding what is best for you. Friendship means belonging with no compromise. That should sound perfect and if it really was friends would always be relations for the hole life. So why not? No compromise means that relation will end if someone decides so with not much trouble. What keeps that from happening? The strength of the friendship. It very common to listen someone saying ” it has been five years since i last saw her but true friends don’t need to be together all the time. We are still best friends”. That’s a big lie. You may like that person but you are not a friend anymore. As the glue that keep friends together is not as strong as the one that keeps family together there are several reasons or excuses to put a friendship behind and find others. Changing school or moving or changing jobs or starting to workout in a different place. So what is so special about friendship? Why people says that friends are more important than family or lovers? In my view it is because it is still the most loyal kind of relation and that happens because not much is expected or asked and what is offered is usually enough. Should we bring this qualities to our other kinds of relation????

I know idealists may offer a different version but in my experience i never witnessed something called unconditional love even in the most truthful kinds of relationships. There’s also no such a thing as unconditional friendship. There are real friends you keep for life but even then you gotta be honest with yourself and accept the fact you have that friendship for a reason. Even if it’s just the fact of having an old friend but still there is a reason. People share interests and when the stop sharing these interests generally they split. The usual excuse is the kind of life we live today:  Always busy and full of events. The real explanation is that there’s no room for that friendship anymore. Not that these same people stopped caring for each other. It’s just that their path united them once and separated them afterwords. I believe it’s healthy to think this way because once that’s clear you can deal with your relations in a much more open way not expecting more than it’s your place to expect and not offering more than you have to offer. It sounds kind of obvious but that’s not how many people relate. There’s always unnecessary frustration and deception. Many believe there’s this unconditional thing but they forget why they started their relations at first place. I can assure they had their reasons. From common and logical thinks as a to have a working buddy to a subtle thing as the excuse you need to be at a certain spot in a party there’s always a starting point for it to begin and other for it to engage and continue. Even your mom wants to leave a shadow of her life through your birth and the birth of your kids. That’s not a bad thing at all. that’s how we exchange in our relations. The only very important things are: To expect no more than you should from other people and not offer no more than you have to give!