Do you guys ever felt a little afraid of going to sleep?? I think i do but not in a racional sense. Deep in my mind. These days i’m sleeping pretty well but that’s because of Xanax and some meditation just before bed. I really sleep well now but during most of my life i didn’t. I really didn’t. I’m talking about almost 40 years of going to sleep at four in the morning. I always felt great about it firstly because i love to live at night. Alone with not phone and emails or other kinds of distraction it’s the time of the day that i can produce better especially when creativity is needed. Secondly because i’m always feeling like i’m loosing something that is happening and i can sleep al lot after i pass away. But sometimes in notice just a tiny note behind all this ideas that says i don’t want to go to sleep and i’m afraid of it. Like if i fall in sleep i may not wake up again. I know it’s a kinda crazy idea because i already slept and woken up thousands of times in my entire life and i never died but still there’s something weird there. Maybe is chemical and maybe it’s psychological i really don’t know. What i know is we don’t control our dreams and we don’t remember many of them. Maybe there’s something about them. Maybe we have real problems in being alone and we can only dream alone. I’m not sure why but something took off my sleep since i was i little child. My father used to find me at three in the morning sitting on the top of the wall in the house we used to live. I was just looking at the few cars that would pass by. I was just trying not to sleep.

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