When i had panic syndrome in learned how does it feel to be dying. Or at least i felt it close enough to start thinking about the way i spent my life. I did a lot of rights and wrongs and to my surprise none of them did bother me then. The only thing that really bothered me enough to feel sorrow for dying without changing it was the time i spent doing things that are not important. To explain it better i’m not talking about everyone’s point of view of importance. I’m talking about my point of view wich it opposite to others. All my life i did a lot of stuff according to other people’s expectations. I think it starts inside the families. Your parents visualise a “good” standard for you and you have to follow that. In school you have evaluations about how you perform. Your social life shows you need to follow certain standards to be successful and it professional life is the same. Even in your love life you will always have to keep up with expectations other people created about your self. The problem with this is how seriously to treat this subject. I was the kind of person who would not argue afraid to displease someone. As many i would do things other people consider important and i don’t. Sometimes i would even convince my self i did but i didn’t. So it’s a serious questioning you should apply to yourself. How much do i do for other sake and how much do i do for my self? Sometimes you will realize you spend most of your time doing stuff you don’t care about. I’m not talking about being selfish. On the contrary. You should help people in need. I’m talking about life wasting. About the time you spend trying to look like the girl in the magazine because that’s your mom’s standard. About how heavy you are on drugs or alcool because your friends think it’s cool. The time you spend crying because you are not thin enough and the diet and pills you took your hole life. The job you hate but it fits a certain standard your wife feels you should have. Those things have to be well balanced. Of course you can be generous if you have something in return otherwise no relationship would ever stand. And of course you can be generous if you feel like it. The problem happens when you start making concessions without even noticing. When you don’t realize those are your parent’s dreams. Those are your’s friends desires. Those are your wife’s expectations. Not yours. That’s what i learned when i felt i could die the next day. Time is all we have in this life. If you let anyone steal this time from you this will make you sorrow afterwords. So live your life the way you want. It’s the only one you got!

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